My name is Jared and I’ve been asked if I want to write something about my experiences as someone who has lived in foster care. I’m 19 now, so I’m a care leaver, but I still want to share my story because I want people to know how much of a difference they can make.
Me and my brother Conner came into foster care when we were 4 and 7 (I’m the older one). Long story short, our parents couldn’t look after us, and our nan was getting too old to care for us too, so one day, we had to move to foster care. We went to a couple of homes before going to a family who could look after us long term.
At such a young age, I think it was quite difficult to understand why we couldn’t just stay at home, but now that we’re older, I’m glad that we didn’t. Living with our foster carers was difficult at first but it meant we were looked after properly and by people who wanted to help and love us.
The process was quite hard on Conner. He would cry a lot because he missed our mum. When we moved in with our long term carers, Conner would only really talk to me but he did come to love our foster carers dogs too. Conner had help at school and our social worker made sure that she checked in often. We both really liked her! Eventually, Conner did start to speak a little bit to our foster carers and he really warmed to our foster dad too. I was so glad when one day they went out to do the food shop and came home with new toys which he was so excited to show me. It felt like he was gaining confidence and as a big brother, it was a relief! I’ve always been protective over him but that’s what being a big brother is about I guess.
I know that not all siblings in care get to live together, so we feel so glad that we could. Our foster carers didn’t have birth children, but they had adopted Sarah who I still see often when I visit my foster parents and Conner! She’s almost 30 now but she plays the best big sister role for me and Conner.
I guess the weird truth is, that if our foster carers hadn’t fostered us both, we might have been split up. And, even worse, if there wasn’t space with the council foster carers for us both, one or both of us might have had to move away. That would have affected us both so much more. I do sometimes think ‘what if’, and it scares me a bit. Me and Conner were really all that each other had, other than our nan who isn’t with us anymore. At least by staying close to home, we could go and see her and have visits with her which we loved.
Now that I’m a care leaver, I have moved out of the foster carers home who we were with for 10 years, and Conner has moved to another foster family. He really likes it there as there’s another boy there that’s his age, and it’s closer to his school so he can walk instead of getting on the bus! We’ve both kept in touch with our long-term foster parents and it’s been really nice to go and visit them when we can. They’re now fostering more young people, and it makes me feel good that other kids will get to feel the love they have to share.
The thing about fostering is that no matter how long you care for a child, you still play a HUGE part in their life. Whilst we don’t keep in touch with them all, and Conner doesn’t even remember some of them, the emergency and shorter-term foster carers we had all helped us so much and they helped keep us together. If you’re thinking of becoming a foster carer and you get to read my story, you should know there are still lots of kids like me and my brother who need someone like you. Why not just give it a go or find out more at least? You could be the person who helps keep the next child in the place they call home.
Thanks for reading,
Jared.